Going grey is a sure sign of the aging process. One of those life events which brings into sharp focus the fact that one is getting older, and life is short.
Whilst greying hair happens earlier for some and later for others, for many, whenever it happens, it presents a difficult dilemma. But, the choice actually isn’t that complicated – refuse to accept it and dye your hair, or accept it gracefully as something natural and inevitable?
But, accepting change can be deeply emotionally challenging, especially when it’s out of your control.
I started writing this post quite some time ago. In fact I started writing it (and this may come as a surprise to some of you ;-) ) when my hair colour was still receiving regular chemical help. So long ago that at the time I merely mused about how one of these days I might be brave enough, comfortable in my greyness, not to hide it anymore. But, at that time, I wasn’t quite there yet!
The Covid-19 lockdown brought many enforced changes to us all. One of the most debated lighter news items during this time has been about people’s hair. Infamous lockdown haircuts performed dutifully by spouses, friends, and sometimes even quite young children (depending on how desperate you were), popped up like an irritating rash all over social media for a time in the early days. And, the amount of airtime given to it by the BBC alone had me wondering which night of the week we might all end up on our doorsteps clapping our stylists.
However, whilst I actually had a hair dye in the cupboard when we entered lockdown that I could have used, for some inexplicable reason, and much to the consternation of my teenage daughter, I purposefully chose not to.
So why not? Why pick now, when we’re going through so much change and uncertainty already, would I also choose to make that momentous change to go grey? As I reflect on the past 19 weeks I wonder if it was one act over which, albeit unconsciously, I felt I had a modicum of control.
If I look further back, I can’t remember exactly when I started to dye my hair, but I do remember why.
When I moved to the north east, I made a lifestyle trade. I swapped a 3-bed semi on a main road in the suburbs of London to live on a farm, and traded a good career to spend more time with my two young children. After having my third child and a career break, I struggled to get comparable work which wouldn’t mean reverting back to long working hours and commute times. So I made yet another trade with a job which wasn’t what I would have imagined, but offered a good work/life balance.
Although the choices I initially made were within my control, amidst all that change the resulting situation seemed very much beyond my control. As I re-entered the workplace I felt older and more vulnerable, doing a job somewhat outside my comfort zone. My confidence took a huge knock and as I looked around at my colleagues I felt that in order to appear credible in the workplace I needed to look as young as was sensible. So for years I’ve dyed my hair out of some ridiculous sense that it helped me feel in control of my situation.
With or without grey hair, I don’t think I’ve fully recognised myself in the mirror for many years now. One of the realisations brought about by lockdown, and the ensuing period of working from home, is that how you are valued at work should be about what you bring to, and how well you do the job you do – not how you look. So, bizarrely, this dreadful pandemic and the chaos into which it has propelled all our lives, is helping me recover some of my identity that I seem to have lost along life’s way.
Am I happy I’ve done it? Honestly, I’m not sure.
While I can still to some extent rely on poor quality Team and Zoom calls to hide it, I imagine the reckoning will come when we finally get back into the office. Or when one of my daughter’s friends parents mistake me for her grandmother perhaps. You never know though, I might be so comfortable with it by then I don’t give it a second thought. Hmmm...
But, if I’m still not sure I can rely instead on my daughter’s certainty, and she definitely is not happy about it!
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